


Paranoia

by Sonsoflibertea



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Blindness, Fear, deafness, friendship y'all, it's a beautiful thing, that one scene in the van hit me really hard so I wrote about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23059546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonsoflibertea/pseuds/Sonsoflibertea
Summary: Spoilers for FHSY ep. 17Kristen is terrified of further endangering her friends and loved ones. So she gets in the back of the van and casts a couple spells to make sure she doesn't. Adaine is there for her.
Relationships: kristen applebees & adaine abernant
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	Paranoia

**Author's Note:**

> 100% platonic--there's no way in hell Kristen would even *think* about anyone else that way when Tracker is still stuck in the forest. Non-beta'd. Just wanted to get this out there because this show makes me feel things.

Everyone was planning, getting ready to prep tinctures, discussing what they’d seen… Kristen knew she should join them. She knew standing here, staring into empty space, wasn’t helping anyone.

_ Tracker’s still out there. She needs you. Get it together… Come on… _

But she couldn’t. She Just. Fucking. Couldn’t.

They were talking about their friends who had disappeared… Kristen tried to follow the conversation. It was drowned out by  _ She’s in your head. She’s here. She hurt you. She wants to keep hurting you. She wants to kill you. She wants to kill everyone you love. _

She could still feel Kalina’s claws against the inside lining of her stomach.

“Do we need me for any of what we’re about to do?”

It was quiet for a moment. Then Gorgug replied, “Yes. You’re the only one who knows how to make the tincture.”

They were being careful with her. She didn’t want to be fragile. But she realized she was grateful.

“I can teach somebody else how to make it.”

The other Bad Kids glanced at each other, then nodded in agreement. Fig gave a soft “Okay.”

“And then I want to cast Deafness and Blindness on myself.” 

_ Shove me away somewhere. Put me in the van. She’s in my head, she can see what I see, she can hear what I hear, so I’m dangerous. I shouldn’t be here. I should be in fucking quarantine. _

She was surprised at the alarmed reactions her friends gave.

Adaine was the only one to make direct eye contact. She looked concerned. 

“She can’t get to you in the van. Hallow’s still active on it.”

“I don’t trust it.”

Fig chimed in, “What if, instead, you just get a short rest while we go make the tincture? You can get your spell slots back. You’ll be safe.”

_ They think I’m paranoid. They should be scared of me. Why aren’t they scared of me?  _ I’m  _ scared of me. _

“Sure. But. Just in case.”

“...It’s not a bad idea.” Riz was staring at the ground. He shifted his feet, then looked up and said, “We’ll give you two taps on your shoulder when the tincture’s ready.”

No one objected, so it was agreed.

It was nice that they all knew each other well enough by now to handle these things. Kristen didn’t know how much more rational debate she could take before she started crying.

“It’ll be nice. Like a sleepover. Headphones on, wearing a fun little sleep mask…”

Kristen didn’t bother responding. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned around, walking to the van without another word. She stared at her own feet as she went.

Her friends stayed with her long enough to make sure she got settled and that she was safe. Fabian even volunteered to be the guard dog. Usually that would give her more comfort than it was giving her now.

~

With the celestial gem gone from the van, it was a lot less spacious and comfy now. Kristen climbed into the back. She slid over to the left side, and reclined the seat.

She felt a phantom twinge in her right arm, like the ghost of Kalina. Two razor-sharp claws breaking skin from the inside. The second it had appeared, the gash had already been so deep…

She grabbed the spot on her arm with a shudder. The wound was healed now. Not a mark left. But she still felt the need to cover it.

_ Get it over with. The longer you wait, the more time she has to use you again. _

Without warning, she muttered a few lines of memorized text. The last thing she saw was the faint, pale yellow glow that followed the words out of her mouth and up to her eyes and ears.

~

She had expected darkness, like when you shut your eyes tight, or when you close the door in a windowless room and turn the light off. But darkness wasn’t the right word to describe the effect of the Blindness spell. There wasn’t dark, or light, or… anything. It was like sight just didn’t exist as a sense.

It took Kristen a little longer to notice the deafness, but, once she did, she couldn’t stop fixating on it. She hadn’t realized how accustomed she was to always being able to hear the sound of her own breathing. In a moment of panic, she thought she had stopped breathing altogether, and was suffocating.

At least focusing on regulating her breathing meant there was less space in her head to think about just how goddamn terrified she was.

_ She was in me… She  _ is  _ in me… Fuck, she’s here… _

God, she missed Tracker. She missed Tracker so fucking much. 

_ Love of my life. Goddamnit. _

She felt tears fall onto her cheeks. She didn’t bother to try to stop them, or wipe them away. She just let herself cry.

It was times like this that she most missed the days when she believed in Helio with everything she was. It would be so comforting to have a god to talk to right now, to be confident that, out there somewhere, someone was listening, and understood, and cared. Now, there was just... emptiness. Praying out into the void and getting nothing back in return.

She felt the van shift. Just slightly, like someone was climbing in.

_ Holy fuck, it’s Kalina. She’s coming for me, she’s gonna kill me, she got through the Hallow spell, fuck, fuck, fuck-- _

Kristen flailed her arms out, reaching, swinging wildly. Hitting the seat of the car, the car door, then--her right hand made contact with skin.

“Leave me  _ alone, _ Kalina, I swear, I’ll fucking  _ KILL _ you, you took Tracker, you--” She couldn’t even tell if she was speaking the right words, or if they were at all intelligible. She lunged toward the person she’d felt to her right, all fists and elbows in a blind rage.

More shifting of the van. Some of it was her, but she couldn’t tell how much.

And then there were hands holding her back, holding her down. Strong hands, pushing her wrists into the seats. She thrashed and yelled, “ _ GET OFF ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT,”  _ but she was worn out already and she couldn’t see and she couldn’t hear and eventually she just went limp. She could feel herself sobbing. God, she probably looked pathetic right now.

“...Who are you? What’s going on?” She hoped whoever was holding her down could understand what she was saying. She couldn’t even be sure words were coming out.

Suddenly, there was a scratching at her leg.  _ Too familiar, claws, the forest, ripping her apart from the inside-- _

But, wait. These didn’t hurt. Someone was running a finger over her skin. Softly, but patterned. Like they were trying to draw symbols or runes.

“I can’t make out what you’re drawing. Slower.”

A pause. Then the touch returned.

_ A-D-A-I- _

“Adaine?”

There was no response for a moment, so she spoke again.

“Can you understand me? Am I talking? Tap once for yes, twice for no.”

One tap on her leg, in the same spot where the person had been spelling.

“Okay. Good. I can’t… I can’t hear myself talk--”

Suddenly, Kristen stopped herself. What was she doing? She had to be careful, Kalina was in her head, she was vulnerable,  _ Oh god, did I give up too much already… _

Cautiously, she said, “So you’re Adaine, huh?”

One tap on her leg.

“And why the hell should I believe you?  _ Trust _ you?”

There was no response for a moment, but then she felt the hands still holding her arms down soften and let her go.  _ Clearly, even if this is Adaine, she’s not the only one here. There were still two arms holding me down while she traced on my leg. _

She felt something slightly cold, but soft, being placed carefully into her lap. She reached down to inspect further. Round… Expanding and contracting, as if it were breathing…

“Boggy.”

One tap.

Kristen brought her arms down slowly, and cupped her hands beneath Boggy’s spherical little body. She lifted him up to her chest and gave him a hug, being careful to be gentle. She didn’t want to hurt him. _ I’ve done enough damage today already… Tracker, you’d better be okay… _

“...Adaine? I’m sorry I freaked out. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Two taps. No.  _ Okay, good. _

“Who was that who pushed me back? Was that Fabian?”

One tap for yes.

“Figured. I know he was guarding the outside of the van.” She used her thumb to pet the top of Boggy’s head.

Again, Adaine’s finger began to trace something out on her leg.  _ O-K-? _

Kristen let out a dry laugh. “Uh. No. My girlfriend’s trapped in the forest of the Nightmare King with Kalina, who’s still in my head, and almost killed me today. I brought Tracker on this stupid trip and put her in danger, and now she’s turned and scared and alone and it’s all my fault. And also I’m blind and deaf in the backseat of a van. But other than that, yeah, I guess I’m okay.”

She felt the seat beneath her shift as Adaine moved closer to her. Kristen felt the wizard’s hand on her back. Cautious, and soft, just… patting her back comfortingly.

She leaned into Adaine and lay her head on her shoulder. Adaine reached her arm around Kristen in a kind of awkward side hug.

Kristen began to sob. She felt her face grow red, tears running down her cheeks… she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She couldn’t do this.  _ It’s too much, it’s too much, we’re just  _ kids…

“I’m…” She tried to get the words out in-between sobs. “I’m… so scared… I don’t want Tracker to die… I don’t want--we’re not all gonna make it--”

Adaine hugged her tighter. She was grateful.

“I love her so much…”

One tap on her leg.  _ Yes. _

“We keep telling each other that everything’s gonna be okay but… it isn’t, is it?”

Three taps.

“ _ THREE?”  _ she cried out. “What the fuck does  _ three _ mean?”

_ I-D-K. _

Kristen shook her head. “You’re the damn Oracle. Your whole thing is that you’re supposed to know stuff.”

Three taps again.

“...Fair.”

Boggy shifted a little bit against her chest. She hugged him a little tighter.

“Thank you. For staying here with me and stuff. And for letting me hold Boggy.”

_ N-P. _

“You know…” Kristen thought about her words carefully. She wanted to get this right. “I love you. I love  _ all _ the Bad Kids. You guys are the best thing that’s…” she wiped a few tears away with a shirt sleeve. “That’s ever happened to me. I know I talk about Tracker a lot, and  _ fuck  _ I miss her so much it makes me want to tear the whole world apart, but. You guys are just as important to me. And I don’t want you to die.”

She felt Adaine trace a little heart onto that spot on her leg.

And then there was movement, the wind of the outside air on her face, a hand guiding her out. There was the earthy taste of a tincture and the subtle glow of a ‘dispel magic’ being cast. There were sights and sounds and things to get done and a forest to enter and forces of evil to defeat.

Kristen didn’t stop being scared. But she did start to notice herself instinctively reaching toward Adaine when the unending terror overtook her. Adaine never said anything. She just stayed. And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are endlessly appreciated. Feel free to rip my writing to shreds if you so desire


End file.
